I’ve probably mentioned this before, but aside from being a film buff I am also a Christian.
My family while believers were also never HUGE into it. Still I was exposed some Christian media growing up that is like a weird repressed memory at this point. Since I enjoy introducing people to obscure stuff others rarely talk about here goes nothing.
I’m not going over “Bibleman,” I was aware of the show as my younger cousin had some tapes and toys, but I was a bit too old for that and haven’t seen anything of aside from the covers.
5.) VeggieTales (TV/Film Series)
I’m starting off with this not because it’s the least weird entry, but because it probably is the most mainstream thing here. I don’t think I need to explain this to most people. I know plenty of people who grew up watching this. As I remember it they did a good enough job making the Bible stories understandable to kids. They’re humor was cute, nothing that would probably make me slap my knee or anything, but also not insultingly bad. It has its own charm is what I’m getting at.
For all of that though, isn’t it just weird that people decided they were going to make a children’s Christian cartoon and have it star… vegetables? AKA: the food most kids dislike eating? If I had to guess I think it was because it was early CGI. I imagine they didn’t have a lot of money or experience so make them vegetables which can be rendered from very basic shapes. But you know what the other real weird part is? There’s a Netflix revival of this and it has real veteran voice actors like Tress MacNeille, Rob Paulsen, and Maurice LaMarche part of the cast now. It’s a part of Dreamworks Animation. What happened? You turn your back for a second and this becomes a total mainstream success.
4.) Kenneth Copeland Westerns (Film Series)
These films actually kinda hold the dearest part of my heart. They’re what introduced me to the western genre. I am a fan of western (specifically it’s my favorite film genre) because of these direct-to-video films. Maybe because I was born in New Mexico, but I’ve always been fascinated with the Southwest. As a kid I thought Wichita Slim was the coolest person with his gun-slinging abilities. “The Gunslinger” felt like a long version of an episode of a TV show. I’ll get back that point. “Covenant Rider” felt much darker and more like a real movie. The last film, “Treasure of Eagle Mountain” I remember just being boring. Still there are two things that distinguish this series from the other entries. One being that as far as I can tell there are no revivals or modern-day equivalents to this. The other is that aside from these harden cowboys stopping to talk about how great God is and quote Bible verses these still feel mostly like real movies. I mean despite killing SUPPOSED to being a big no-no for Christians, they don’t dance around the subject or invent other ways of getting around it. The bad guys die in gun fights just like any other western.
Now that all may sound strange enough to make this list, but I got something more. Remember how I said “The Gunslinger” felt more like an episode from a TV show? Well as a kid I distinctly remember once catching a show that clearly wasn’t this movie, but it had a bunch the actors playing the same roles. So was it a spin-off? After all these years, researching this article gave me a reason to find out. The answer is yes, “The Gospel Bill Show.” It took place in the same town and had most of the same actors playing the same characters (except no Wichita Slim) but was more of a comedy/kids show. Apparently even though it took place in the west in the 1800s the characters use things like TV’s and telephones. Actually that does finally explain to me why one of the characters in “The Gunslinger” wears what looks more like a t-shirt in contrast to everyone else’s more authentic looking costumes. Still think about how weird that is. That would be like if we had a show like “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” and the movies spin-off of it was “Quiz Show.” Not only that, but as the movies continued they got more and more serious and farther away from what they were spun off from. Fascinating.
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3.) Adventures in Odyssey (Radio/Animated Series)
This is one of those I would occasionally hear on the radio while on roadtrips although I don’t think my family ever really stayed on it. I actually sometimes will stop and listen to it now while driving at night. Sometimes I want a narrative story and not music while driving and there’s not anything else to listen to. Plus it’s so cheesy. It’s basically about a town full of lots of characters who get into trouble and normally there’s a Christian solution that the kindly old shopkeeper Mr Whitaker gives them through Bible advice. Also, it has some recognizable talent. I immediately noticed Aria Curzon’s voice as one of the main characters. For those who don’t know she was the voice of Ducky from the “Land Before Time” sequels or Cornchip Girl from Disney’s “Recess.” Apart from that it’s another children’s Christian show and as basic as they tend to be. Praying to God turns out to be the answer a fair amount of the time. Let’s just say that wouldn’t fly in most screen writing classes.
Although to be fair I can remember some episodes that were kinda adult like when one of the main character’s mother dies and her estranged father comes with a half-sister she’s never met. It’s not an especially preachy episode which I legitimately liked. So what’s weird about this? Apparently there was an animated series. Now that may not seem weird, but apparently they just used the older radio episodes and animated that. It’s not hard to see why, the audio was already done and technically it’s the same process so score one for money-saving. The thing is if you look up an episode on YouTube you’ll find regular sound effects missing because again this came from the radio. It makes for a very quiet viewing experience. Also, if you’re wondering about the above image it’s a part of the new art style for the CD’s the contain the radio shows. I personally don’t care for the style, but it was the biggest/clearest image I could find to represent this entry.
2.) “Commander Kellie and the Superkids” (Film Series)
The other full collection of Christian direct-to-video movies we owned while growing up. This series took place in the near future where a broadcasting company NME (get it?) has taken over all channels and just shows nothing but violence. To counter this and give people hope though christian morals Commander Kellie and her super kids seems to be an… army? It’s kinda vague, but they spend their time breaking NME’s signal to show their own broadcasts as well as thwarting their evil plans in general. The first film is only 30mins long and really feels more like a pilot to a show. As far as I know there never was one. The only thing I can remember is a comic that was in some christian children’s magazine I vaguely also remember from my childhood. The next film was a hour long and felt a little more like a really story. Maybe a 2 parter for this non-existent show.
By the time we get to “The Sword” we have a feature-length run time and it feels a little more cinematic. We have a new villain General Fear replacing the villain of the last two films Major Dread. A new super kid who is a traitor, but of course the heroes natural goodness turns her to the good side. It’s pretty standard for this series, but then after the heroes have won the General launches his B plan to blow up the heroes’ lair. The End. No seriously it was quite the cliffhanger for young me. The last film is both the longest and the one that feels the most like a real movie. Though remember this is all relative. Still character wise it feels like they’re actually developing which is something. Although it ends kinda weird with like there should be more, but nothing it just kinda ends. Until 2013 when they finally made another one. I haven’t seen it and the only found out while doing research for this.
1.) “Superbook” (1981-1983 TV series)
This is one I almost wondered if I made up, but with the help of the internet I now know that it was real. An anime series about kids and their robot transporting themselves into the Bible. They interact with biblical figures and the stories play themselves out. This was from the 80s and we had a few episodes on VHS. I manage to catch a few reruns here and there on TV. The main thing I remember aside from the animated being surprisingly good is that the stories were pretty dark. It’s still acceptable for a kids Christian show, but at the same time they didn’t shy away from death. One I remember seeing showed John the Baptist’s death. It didn’t show the actual beheading, but they got the idea across. And our little anime kid heroes failed to rescue him. You know what’s really nuts there is yet another revival CGI series of this too. I guess these Christian kids shows are as long-lasting as the freaking Bible itself.
Lastly I’d like to leave you with the strangest depiction of the Devil I’ve ever seen. It’s from the episode about the story of Job. I don’t know if they did any other Bible stories that featured Satan. Maybe they changed Old Scratch’s appearance in other episodes, but here it is. The weirdest looking Devil ever.
Happy Easter!