5. Nino Brown in New Jack City (1991)
*Sit* your five-dollar ass down before I make change.
In the late 1980’s, crack-cocaine was introduced to the rough New York City streets. Nino Brown (Wesley Snipes) is a cold-blooded and bad-to-the-bone mastermind who, with the help of his Cash Money Brothers gang, dominates the NYC drug game. Brown is a pragmatic and emotionless boss who has little to no patience for anyone, wether they be friend or foe. If you don’t believe me that Nino Brown is one ice-cold mofo, then check out these quotes from “New Jack City” and tell me that Brown wouldn’t make you tinkle in your trousers.
Nino Brown on Romance.
“That fucking skeezer- you think I give a fuck about her? Fuck that ho bitch! I don’t give a fuck about her! Get the fuck out of here!”
Nino Brown on fixing relationship issues.
“Cancel dat bitch! I’ll buy a new one!”
Nino Brown’s take on what it means to be a ‘Wing Man.’
“I know damn well ain’t nobody sucked your shriveled-up dick.”
Nino Brown discusses the facets of his business model.
“Yeah, we takin’ over the Carter. We gon’ bum rush the whole damn thing. Now if the tenants cooperate, oh, it’ll be lovely; they’ll be loyal customers. If not, fuck it, it’ll be like in Beirut- they’ll be live-in hostages.”
Nino Brown’s thoughts on politics and the American Justice System.
“I’m not guilty. You’re the one that’s guilty. The lawmakers, the politicians, the Colombian drug lords, all you who lobby against making drugs legal. Just like you did with alcohol during Prohibition. You’re the one who’s guilty. I mean, c’mon, let’s kick the ballistics here: ain’t no Uzi’s made in Harlem. Not one of us in here owns a poppy field. This thing is bigger than Nino Brown. This is big business. This is the American way.”
Still don’t see the Badass-ness? Well, put some potty pads where you plan to place your posterior and prepare to be pissed.
4. John Cutter in Passenger 57 (1992)
“Well, let me give you a word of advice. Always bet on black!”
What is more bad ass than a self-defense instructor for airline stewardesses? NOTHING, that’s what! John Cutter (Snipes) is a retired police detective who has since taken to teaching defense tactics in the wake of his Wife’s brutal murder while at a convenience store. Not so convenient. Just finishing up one of his bad-ass lessons, Cutter is tapped by an old friend, Sly Delvecchio (Tom Sizemore), who offers Cutter a gig as vice-president of a new anti-terrorism unit for his company, Atlantic International Airlines. Although Cutter is initially reluctant, Delvecchio and the company’s president Stuart Ramsey (Bruce Greenwood) ultimately convince him to accept the offer. Little does kick-ass Cutter know he is about to be folded into a “Rane of Terror” when recently caught convict, Charles Rane, hijacks the plane with fiendish intent.
John Cutter’s thoughts on the recent state of Healthcare.
“This better be covered by my insurance, Sly!”
John Cutter’s motivational tactics in times of crisis.
“Look chief, I thought all of you ham hogging, country biscuit eating boys knew how to drive? Was it a bunch of bullshit or what?
John Cutter’s school of hostage negotiation.
“Plan not working out the way you wanted? Asshole?”
John Cutter postulates potential tactics to diffuse the situation.
“My instincts are to wax your ass all over this floor!”
Cutter reminds us that he is not beyond crotch-kicking terrorists to their gravity-assisted doom.
3. Simon Phoenix in Demolition Man (1993)
“Wait a minute. This is the future. Where are all the phaser guns?”
The quintessential homicidal maniac of the 1990’s, Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes) was the bane of tough as nails super cop, John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone). When Phoenix declares South Central Los Angeles his kingdom, Spartan steps in as the only cop with the guts to take him down. The only problem is that Phoenix’s maniacal mind was prepared for Spartan’s heroism, luring the gun-ho cop into a sadistic trap that claims dozens of innocent lives. Although Phoenix was found guilty for the murders, Spartan was also assigned part of the blame and sentenced to face the same fate as Phoenix. The pair were frozen in cryo-statis for decades until Phoenix was thawed-out under mysterious circumstances and let loose to run amok in the seemingly utopian future. Phoenix’s newly programmed skills and 90’s psychopathic flair is far to formidable for the fearful and new to violence future police force. With the once eden-like city quickly succumbing to ruin and chaos, the futures only hope is to reanimate John Spartan, the “Demolition Man.”
Simon Phoenix’s thoughts on the ambient temperature of the future.
“Is it cold in here, or is it just me?”
Simon Pheonix’s encouraging words of advice to his kin in crime from the 20th century.
“I want you to loot, pillage, plunder! I want ya to steal! I want you to do all the wonderful things that we used to do before all this happened.”
Phoenix’s final words spoken mere moments before he was frozen to death by cryogenic coolant and decapitated by John Spartan.
“This is the best day of my life!”
Don’t let Phoenix’s solar tinged locks and 90’s grunge ensemble fool you, He is far from a Seattle based shoe-gazer. Phoenix is a certifiable Grade-A badass… who happens to have an affinity for leather cuff bracelets.
2. Blade (1998)
“Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill.”
A half-vampire, half-mortal Blade (Wesley Snipes) struggles with his humanity, tussling with flashbacks of his past, only to become the protector of the mortal race, slaying evil vampires to prevent the rise of the so called ‘Blood God.’ Blade’s first solo story hit the stands back in 1974 (Vampire Tales #8). That Marvel story grew into the comic franchise that ultimately became “Blade” the motion picture. This movie was both one of Marvel’s early attempts that not only became a fan favorite, but also paved the way for subsequent Marvel movies like Bryan Singer’s “X-Men” movie. In a way, that means we have “Avengers” and “Guardians of the Galaxy” because Wesley Snipes is such a badass… Vampire.
Blade’s secret to healthy skin.
“Sunblock.”
Blade’s reaction when you ask him if he’s watched HBO’s “True Blood.”
“Mother fucker! Are you out of your damn mind?”
Blade’s outlook on the proper way to eat an ice cream sundae.
“You better wake up. The world you live in is just a sugar-coated topping! There is another world beneath it: the real world. And if you wanna survive it, you better learn to PULL THE TRIGGER!”
… so am I supposed to eat the ice cream first? I don’t…
“Mother fucker!”
If the noble day-walker hasn’t yet satiated your thirst for badass-ery, then sink your teeth into the following film morsel for further sustenance.
1. Mini Max in Bad (1987)
“You ain’t down, you ain’t bad. You ain’t bad.”
What’s BADder than being alongside the original king of pop, Michael Jackson, IN “Bad?”The full music video for “Bad” is an 18-minute short film penned by novelist turned screenwriter Richard Price and directed by Martin Scorsese (yes, the one and only) in 1987. Daryl (Michael Jackson), a prep school student, is returning home from a semester away. Back home, he is greeted by his old friends, Mini Max (Wesley Snipes) in particular. What starts as a friendly reunion quickly turns sour when Mini Max and company grown disgruntled with Daryl’s new ways. Noting Mini Max’s penchant for petty crime, Daryl attempts to rob an elderly man to prove his badness only to quit at the last second. A dismayed Mini Max belittles Daryl convinced that he’s no longer bad. Enter MICHAEL JACKSON. Daryl is now regailed neck to toe in black leather and accompanied by a posse of prancing punks as they collectively leap, shimmy and step to Michael Jackson’s “Bad.” Both confused from the impromptu dance routine and with interest in Daryl’s lifestyle waining, he finally choses to embrace Daryl for who he is by shaking his hand. He then left to go understand what exactly just happened to him in the last 18 minutes.
Mini Max’s response to a dozen men dressed in tight leather suddenly flash mobbing him in the subway.
“So what’s up?”
Mini Max’s response to Daryl (Mike Jack… yes I call him that) describing the physics behind poles dancing.
“So that’s the way it goes down then?”
You have to see it to believe it. Michael “Bad” Jackson faces off against Wesley “Badass” Snipes in the subway. Michael’s weapon? Dance!
