How did Christopher Columbus ruin American cinema? Oh wait did you think I meant 1492’s Christopher Columbus?
I apologize to those readers looking for a Christopher Columbus post but this was too funny to not capitalize on. Here are some of the worst films that film icon Chris Columbus (Director, Writer, Producer) has been responsible for!
Monkeybone
This film may be one of the worst films ever made and definitely did not do the cast any favors. Back to back with the film “Bedazzled,” “Monkeybone” could be attributed with killing Brendan Fraser’s career. It was one of the worst scripted and directed films of all time and could be viewed as a stain on everyone’s career who was involved.
Who could possibly invest their time into producing this film? Well it seems like Chris Columbus had some spare time to act as executive producer for this monstrosity. I admit it was a gamble that could have turned in his favor having Director Henry Selick (“Nightmare Before Christmas”) involved but the live action and that form of animation just did not mesh.
Continue to the next page for more!
Bicentennial Man
Robin Williams was (and still is) one of my favorite actors but even he made apologies and jokes about “Bicentennial Man.” When left to the imagination, the original Isaac Asimov story (from which the film was adapted) could be considered enjoyable but the translation to film was just poorly executed. The film was plagued with inconsistencies and progressed with a lack of chemistry and character development which turned an interesting subject into a lackluster film.
Chris Columbus sat in the director’s chair for “Bicentennial Man” as well as taking the role of an active producer. While some could argue that the subject matter was intriguing, not many would argue that this was a good film. It was quite a disappointment to see a story with such potential fall apart.
Continue to the next page for more!
Jingle All the Way
How do you make a slapstick Christmas film sink below slapstick into the realm of cringe-worthy? You add Arnold Schwarzenegger and feed him the worst dialogue ever! That’s what happened with the 1996 film “Jingle All the Way” featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad. As they both pursued a sold out toy for Christmas, they exchanged some of the worst comedic dialogue on film and lacked serious chemistry. It also didn’t help that the “Star Wars Episode 1” star Jake Lloyd was cast as Arnold’s son giving us a preview of the horrible acting that would later accompany his role as Anakin Skywalker.
So how is Mr. Columbus involved in this film? Well Chris Columbus once again gave this film his support as a producer. I wonder if it was an entirely monetary reason or if he actually saw potential in the film. Either way, we can “thank” him for his contributions to get this film made.
Continue to the next page for more!
Christmas with the Kranks
Tim Allen teams up with other time displaced actors Jamie Lee Curtis and Dan Aykroyd to bring us a Christmas comedy that is absolutely unbearable. With a PG rating, horribly campy dialogue, and a plot that is absolutely stagnant, “Christmas with the Kranks” is downright unwatchable. Maybe studios thought that Tim Allen’s “The Santa Clause” would bring in some viewers looking forward to another Tim Allen Christmas film, but their thoughts were dead wrong. “Christmas with the Kranks” is one of the absolute worst Christmas films of all time and critics unanimously agree.
How is Chris Columbus involved? Once again he served as a producer and even wrote the screenplay for this horribly surprising John Grisham adaptation. Why does Chris Columbus like bad Christmas movies and how could John Grisham have written something like this? I can’t judge the book because I haven’t read it but I will say that I can’t imagine anyone having a desire to read it after watching this film.
Continue to the next page for more!
Fantastic Four
I can give this film a slight pass given that I will watch most any comic book adapted film, but I refuse to call “Fantastic Four” a good film. We’ve seen what Marvel can do with a superhero film and we’ve even seen what Fox can do with team based superheroes like “X-Men,” so what was missing with “Fantastic Four?” Maybe because the film is about a family of superheroes Fox thought that they should market to a family audience but with kids and adults sharing in the superhero hype, this proved to be a bad move. Kids turned out to be much more critical than they thought and adults saw their classic comic book heroes paraded on the screen with too much wholesomeness.
So who was the executive producer of this film? You guessed it…Chris Columbus. Not only did he serve as the executive producer for the first “Fantastic Four” film but he went on to be the executive producer for the sequel as well. Both “Fantastic Four” films were horribly received and are probably the reason for Fox’s call to reboot the films with an all new cast next year.